Recently, I read an interesting piece by Chimamanda Adiche titled ” Dear Ijeawele or a Feminist manifesto in Fifteen suggestions.”
I had a good laugh. It was evidently rooted in radical feminist ideology of the 1970s, which I believe is western, old fashion, has railed off the track of sanity and is simply a disaster in the making. Besides it doesn’t appeal to the realities of Nigerian and African women.
Dismantling of marriage, discarding of babies, rejection of house hold chores , unpaid, unending chores which distract women from participation in the formal and public sectors, are seen as the key path ways to the liberation and empowerment of women.
The article is no doubt a great read to spur discussions on the postion, situation and condition of women and girls and thinking through how to raise the girl child to lead the future.
But, at the core of it a discerning mind will see through the anti God, anti men, anti babies,anti children, anti family, elements which this ideology encourages women to strip off to attain the tag of “liberated and empowered sista”.
Most of the 15 suggestions, she gives are issues that most African women can relate to, agree or disagree with.
I disagree with no1,7, and 15. She rightly begins by saying motherhood is a glorious gift but a woman should not define herself solely by motherhood. The reality is that once a mother, always a mother. Every great parent mother or father, must make changes in their lives, once a newborn arrives. And for a mother, nature has designed, it that she makes more sacrifices before, during the birth and after.Every decision or life goal must factor in the needs of the newborn and /or children. The adjustments and changes are in seasons and varying degrees until they are all grown and independent.
But a mother, remains a mother for life. That doesn’t mean a mother can’t develop her career goals, that doesn’t mean she ceases to be a person. That doesn’t mean motherhood is a thankless job without rewards.
A mother’s reward is in celebrating each milestone, achievement or success with her baby from his or her first immunization, ear piecing, circumcision, cutting first tooth, first steps, first words, first day at school, graduation from kindergarten, to primary, secondary , tertiary institutions, marriage, first job, first car, first grandchild and children. The list is endless.
It’s the joy of sharing life experiences with your loved ones. In sharing the achievements with her child and /or children she also bears their pains, failures and crosses. Good or bad, a child is always his/her mother’s child.
Motherhood does not rob a woman of her personhood, but rather is a glorious gift and blessing. Self hate will get women no where. Hating God and disarming ourselves of our innate gifts and support systems will get us no where. Accepting the lies of our patriarchal cultures that under estimate our reproductive roles as contributions to the growth and development of society will get us no where.
To think women achieve equality with men only when they erase, minimize or reject their feminity and motherhood, is short sighted.
We don’t have to become men to be liberated and empowered. Men and women are equal in dignity but different. What we need is the practice of complementarity and collaboration between men and women in our homes, communities and all spheres of human endeavor politically, economically and socially.
What women need is an enabling environment of support within the family from their spouses and extended family. Policies and infrastructure that are family friendly. flexible work hours, fully paid maternity leave, stress free reintegration of women at work after maternity leave, provision of good quality creche facilities, online and distance learning resources and programmes for women to further their educational qualifications, provision of basic infrastructure like markets, access roads, power, safe water, free and quality healthcare facilities etc.
With an enabling environment, and support of all stakeholders women can fully maximize their potentials and contribute their quota to the sustainable growth and development of Nigeria.
No 7 of Chimamanda’s suggestions, says marriage is not an achievement? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines achievement as “a hard won success in the face of difficulty, adventurous or heroic act.”
Marriage is a beautiful institution established by God. Certainly not every woman will be married, or be birth mothers but all women can be spiritual mothers. Every woman is endowed with a feminine genius and instint.
Marriage is the bedrock of the society. Within it a home is built as a sanctuary of peace, strength and hope and if God permits are blessed with children who are nurtured and cared for by both parents in the values, culture, tradition and religious beliefs of their parents as well as educated to be responsible members of their communities.
For those married in the Catholic Church, marriage is not just for the good of individuals, or the couple, but for the community as a whole. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament. The Old Testament prophets saw the marriage of a man and woman as a symbol of the covenant relationship between God and his people. The permanent and exclusive union between husband and wife mirrors the mutual commitment between God and his people. The Letter to the Ephesians says that this union is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church.
So who says marriage is not an achievement? Marriage is an achievement, one of the many achievements a woman or man can attain in their life time. It can provide an enabling environment to make or marr a person. On the wedding day it’s an important certificate a couple receive and together create a future they both desire.
It’s a union of two persons from different backgrounds, with different baggages and experiences from their families of origin. It takes two to tango and when the tango goes right, it’s an achievement for the couple.When it goes wrong, it could marr them. The fact that some marriages end in divorce does not mean the institution has lost it’s value.
No 15, she suggests mothers teach their daughters about gay rights. This again reveals the radical feminist roots of her position which celebrates abortion,gay rights and prostitution as human rights to freedom and choice. If she is writing to her fellow Igbo sister who is most likely, Christian, she mentions nothing about raising her daughter in her Christian faith as a guide to life. But rather elevates gay rights to take the place of God. I don’t suscribe to discrimination of any kind or form but gay rights is not a burning issue in our culture.
It will be helpful however, to sensitize our youths both boys and girls about the dangers of pre marital sex , sexually transmitted diseases, deadly side effects of contraceptives, abortion and self destructive lifestyles like gay and lesbian unions and prostitution, which are being promoted as human rights to choice and freedom. The negative side effects and life threatening health consequences of these lifestyles are not highlighted by the proponents.
The right to education, security and protection of our girls from rapists, kidnappers and ritualists, abusive relationships and marriages, child marriage, and harmful widow hood practices, creating employment opportunities and access to land and loan facilities, participation in governance as candidates and voters are issues that our women can relate to and burning issues for our development agenda.
In this social media age, women need to arm themselves with the spirit of discernment. All kinds of views and ideologies are been advocated for by various interest groups with various motives, be it for grants, promotion in career etc .
The advocates of brash publicity stunts, labelling marriage as bondage or unnecessary distraction impeding the career advancements of women, use every opportunity to flaunt their imperfect spouses like trophies they just won and gleefully celebrate their wedding anniversaries. They retreat from the public arena to the peaceful sanctuaries of their homes built with sweat, tears, patience, sacrifices, compromises, commitment and determination to keep it together.
The “follow follow” sista on the other hand , trying to keep up with her fellow so called “educated, liberated, empowered sistas”, turns her home into a battle field.
And by the way what’s up with this feminist, educated and arrogant thing? A truly educated person will be confident, humble, humane and tolerant. We have to give all human beings, respect or else feminism goes nowhere.
Sistas celebrate your femininity and every stage and season in your life. Be it the single, religious, married or motherhood.
Every woman is a person and has dignity and value, regardless of her looks, power, career, marital status or wealth.
There is a deeper and growing awareness that men and women are equal but different, and that women were made for a purpose far greater than domestic or professional work. To know, love and serve God and be bearers of His love to the world through their private and public lives.
New feminism affirms that every woman is the daughter of the most high God. Born with a purpose and mission only her can fulfill by living out her feminine gift of self, her feminine genius, in the unique way that God is calling her to, in the experiences, positions, situations, He has placed her.
For the married sistas who chant “marriage is not an achievement ” please, “skelewu” and “azonto” your way to “liberation and empowerment” to the nearest court and get a divorce, then we will believe you.
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